In my office, there’s only one kind of couples counseling that I offer – The Gottman Method. This approach to working with couples comes from Drs. John and Julie Gottman and began in the 1970’s. I first learned about The Gottman Method when I was attending graduate school for my Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and have since completed additional trainings.
So what exactly is The Gottman Method? It’s a structured approach that integrates evidence-based interventions and skills based on what they termed the Sound Marital House. According to The Gottman Institute, the goals of the therapy are:
“to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.”
The Gottman Institute
Therapy begins with a thorough assessment, which includes a conjoint appointment, two individual appointments, and then another conjoint appointment, as well as the Gottman Relational Checkup, an online clinical assessment. Once the relationship’s strengths and areas of improvement are identified, treatment begins utilizing several different exercises and tools. The couple and therapist decide together what the goals of therapy will be and how often/how many sessions will be.
The Sound Marital House guides the therapy, which includes nine components of a healthy relationship.
Building Love Maps: This is how well you know your partner’s inner psychological world: their worries, stressors, joys, passions, etc.
Share Fondness and Admiration: The level of respect and affection within a relationship
Turn Towards Instead of Away: Understand that we make bids for attention and affection and how to turn toward (respond in positive ways), as well as being able to state and share your needs with your partner
The Positive Perspective: Using repair attempts and a positive approach to problem solving
Manage Conflict: Learn how to manage and deal with perpetual and solvable problems.
Make Life Dreams Come True: Be supportive of your partner’s dreams, aspirations, goals, and hopes
Create Shared Meaning: How you will build a life together and understand each other’s visions on rituals, roles, and and narratives in your lives
Trust: When you know and can trust that your partner acts and thinks to maximize your best interests and benefits and not just their own
Commitment: Believing and acting that this relationship is lifelong by focusing on the positive aspects of your partner and nurturing the friendship and relationship
So when is The Gottman Method beneficial? I actually incorporate many of the aspects of this model into individual clients’ sessions. Many individual clients are seeking assistance in dealing with relationships in their lives, whether that is a spouse, friend, family member, or peer. Some of these skills from The Gottman Method can be applied to those relationships as well! I also offer pre-marital therapy by using The Gottman Method, which many have found to be helpful in learning new ways to interact and love their fiance.
Are you interested in learning more about The Gottman Method? Please check out The Gottman Institute’s to hear how this could help you!
